The Myths We Carry: 6 Beliefs That Quietly Limit
Our Growth
Picture this: You are in a leadership meeting, and your CEO asks for innovative ideas to tackle a major challenge. You have thoughts — good ones — but you stay silent. Later, you tell yourself it is because you "needed more time to think it through."
But what if the real reason was something else entirely?
In my work with individuals and leaders across different industries, I have noticed something that shows up time and again: People carry around a hidden set of rules. Ideas about what they can or cannot do. Assumptions about what is possible, what is safe, and what they deserve.
Even when people understand the value of growth, resilience, or failure on a logical level, I notice hesitation. Resistance. And underneath it all, there is often an unspoken narrative running persistently in the background
"I'm not that kind of person."
" I’m just not cut out for this."
“I’ve tried and failed before.”
“What will people say if ….”
That is the thing about these narratives, they are our limiting beliefs. They don't always shout. Often, they whisper. But their impact is powerful.
They shape how we respond to challenges. They influence what we try, what we avoid, and how we interpret the actions of others. They affect how we lead, how we listen, and how we live.
These beliefs are like invisible backpacks filled with stones we have been carrying so long we have forgotten they are there — until we wonder why every step feels so heavy. They operate in the background of our minds like outdated software, running our daily decisions while disguising as wisdom, protection, or simple "realism."
The Most Common Myths I have Encountered
Let me share the most persistent myths I have seen people carry — myths about ability, readiness, failure, confidence, and more.
Myth 1: “I’m either good at something or I’m not.”
This myth suggests our abilities are static, dealt to us at birth, like a hand of cards we must play for life. It shows up subtly in the workplace: “I’m not creative”, “I’m just not a natural presenter”, or "I'm not a number person."
We are often praised for being "smart" or "talented," not for trying. So when we struggle with a new skill or role, we take it as proof we are not meant for it, rather than seeing struggle as a natural part of learning.
Here is what is actually happening: Neuroscience tells us our brains are plastic, they can grow and adapt throughout life. Every skill you admire in a colleague can be developed with practice and patience. Mastery isn't a gift; it is a process.
Take a young manager I worked with: naturally shy, he doubted his ability to present. But he knew communication was essential to his role, even if it didn’t come easily. So he volunteered to lead small meetings, practised regularly, and gradually built the confidence to present in high-stakes settings. It wasn’t instant — but it was intentional.
Myth 2: "If I fail, I’m not cut out for it."
This belief turns mistakes into verdicts on our capabilities rather than valuable information. It leads us to avoid stretch assignments, challenging projects, and opportunities to grow. We become so focused on protecting our professional image that we miss the very experiences that could accelerate our careers
We live in a results-driven culture where success is rewarded and failure often judged. Over time, we internalise failure as personal rather than situational. Our identity gets tied to outcomes, so failure feels like a threat to our professional worth rather than a natural part of the learning process.
The truth is: Failure is feedback. It offers insight into what doesn't work, so we can grow. Research shows how we interpret setbacks predicts future success more than past performance. Most breakthrough innovations and career advances follow a long list of failures.
Think of someone who stumbles during their first client pitch. They struggle to respond to questions, lose their train of thought, and walk away convinced they’re “just not good at sales.” So they avoid client-facing roles from then on, quietly opting out of future growth.
But with a simple reframe — “That was tough, but what can I learn from it?” — everything shifts. They review what went wrong, ask for feedback, and practise under pressure. Months later, they are confidently leading pitches — not because failure disappeared, but because they treated it as a stepping stone, not a stopping point.
Myth 3: "I Need to Feel Ready Before I Start"
We wait until we feel more confident, certain, more "together", but that day rarely comes. This myth keeps us in preparation mode indefinitely, always finding another reason to wait just a little longer, rehearsing our presentation one more time, waiting for the "perfect moment" to speak up in meetings, or convincing ourselves we need more experience before starting that side project.
Waiting feels safer than risking rejection or embarrassment. Our brains crave certainty, and readiness gives us the illusion of control.
What research shows: Confidence is built, not found. You become ready by doing — not waiting. You build competence by starting before you feel prepared and learning as you go. The feeling of readiness often comes after taking action, not before.
Take for example someone working in a large organisation who is interested in moving into a different function — say, from operations to strategy. They have looked at internal roles, talked to people in that team, and even started learning on the side. But when an opening appears, they hesitate. “I’m not ready yet,” they tell themselves. “I just need a bit more experience.” By the time they feel ready, the role has gone to someone else — someone who was willing to learn on the job. It is a common scenario. And often, the only real difference is who was willing to start before they felt ready.
Myth 4: "Feedback Means I've Done Something Wrong"
This belief transforms helpful input into a threat. We shut down, become defensive, or avoid situations where we might receive feedback — missing out on valuable insights and deeper connections with others.
If we have experienced feedback as blame, judgment, or personal attack, our brain treats it as danger. The amygdala hijacks our rational response, triggering fight-or-flight reactions that make us defensive instead of curious.
In reality: Feedback is insight we can’t see ourselves. It helps uncover blind spots, accelerate growth, and deepen relationships, if we learn to receive it with curiosity instead of fear.
Imagine this: after a team presentation, a manager offers suggestions — on pacing, clarity, and how to better structure the message. But instead of hearing support, the staff member hears criticism. They shut down, withdraw, and start avoiding future presentation opportunities. What was meant as guidance is interpreted as judgment.
But when reframed — “My manager is helping me improve” — the same feedback becomes a gift. Over time, that same employee starts seeking input and grows into a stronger, more confident communicator.
Myth 5: "I Can't Move Until Everything's Clear"
This myth keeps us stuck in overthinking, waiting for perfect clarity before taking the first step. We overvalue knowing and undervalue learning through action. Studies reveal that excessive planning can actually reduce performance by creating rigidity when markets or situations change.
Our brains evolved to seek patterns and predictability for survival. Uncertainty feels risky and uncomfortable. We mistake having a plan for having control, not realizing that most meaningful growth happens through exploration and adaptation.
The evidence suggests: Clarity comes through doing, not thinking. You don't need the full map — just the next step. Most successful paths are discovered by taking action and adjusting along the way.
It is not uncommon to see individual or teams fall into this trap — especially when tackling something new. Take a cross-functional team tasked with launching a new service. Faced with uncertainty and high stakes, they slipped into a familiar loop: more research, more analysis, more meetings. Every decision felt risky. Weeks went by, pressure built — and still, nothing moved.
Eventually, they ran a small experiment — testing the concept with a handful of prototypes and pilot users. That single step surfaced fresh insights, uncovered blind spots, and gave them the momentum they have been missing. They didn’t need full clarity to begin — just the willingness to take one step forward and the courage to act.
Myth 6: "If It's Not Perfect, It's Not Good Enough"
This belief creates pressure, paralysis, and burnout. It convinces us that anything less than flawless is failure, preventing us from sharing our work, taking risks, or embracing the messy process of genuine growth.
Perfectionism often starts as self-protection. It helped us gain approval or avoid criticism early in our career. But now, it keeps us stuck in endless preparation instead of meaningful progress.
Here is the truth: Progress matters more than perfection. Excellence emerges from a willingness to produce imperfect work repeatedly, learning and refining as we go. The most successful people understand that the path to exceptional work is paved with imperfect attempts.
Chances are, many of us have been there — revising a proposal, report, or presentation again and again for a high-stakes project. Not because it is unfinished, but because we want it bulletproof — to impress, avoid mistakes, and steer clear of criticism. So we keep polishing instead of sharing.
But in doing so, we often hold back too long and miss the chance for early feedback that could make our work stronger. What could have been a collaborative process becomes a solitary pursuit of perfection. Real growth begins when we share work in progress — and embrace the messy process of improving it along the way.
Why We Hold On — Even When We Know Better
So if we recognise these myths for what they are… why do they still have such a grip on us? It is not because we are foolish. We hold on to them because they offer us emotional protection. Understanding this can help us approach change with more compassion and effectiveness.
- Our Ancient Wiring. Our rational brain understands growth mindset, but our emotional brain still operates on hunter-gatherer programming. When we were tribal, rejection meant death. Making mistakes could be fatal. These ancient survival mechanisms don't distinguish between a sabre-toothed tiger and a difficult conversation with our boss, they treat both as threats requiring fight-or-flight responses.
- The Stories That Shaped Us. These beliefs often stem from real experiences, particularly from childhood. The perfectionism that cripples us as adults may have originated when imperfect work led to criticism or punishment. These early experiences create neural pathways that become our default routes for processing similar situations. Changing them is not like updating software — it is rewiring our neural architecture.
- The Comfort of the Known. Even painful beliefs feel safer than uncertainty. We have built our identity around these narratives: "I'm not creative" or "I'm not good with people." Releasing these beliefs means facing the unknown territory of discovering who we might be without them.
Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs
Breaking free requires more than intellectual understanding. These beliefs have become mental habits, reinforced by years of repetition and confirmation bias. But here is the encouraging truth: every time you challenge a limiting thought or take action despite fear, you are not just strengthening new neural connections — you are gradually shifting your emotional response from fear to possibility.
Research shows that neuroplasticity, your brain's ability to reorganise, continues throughout life. Here is how to leverage this process:
- Step 1: Notice
Notice the stories you tell yourself. Question their origins. Are they based on current evidence or outdated experiences?
The brain science: You are becoming conscious of automatic thought patterns, which is the first step in weakening old neural pathways.
- Step 2: Challenge
When you catch a limiting thought, actively challenge it. Replace "I'm not creative" with "I'm developing my creativity." Repeat this new narrative consistently.
What this does: You are strengthening new neural connections. Each time you consciously choose a different thought, you are weakening the old pattern and reinforcing the new one.
- Step 3: Act
Experiment with small acts of rebellion against your limiting beliefs. If you believe you are not creative, commit to one small creative act daily. If you think you are not a leader, volunteer to lead a small project.
Why this works: Action creates the strongest neural changes. When you do something that contradicts your limiting belief and succeed, you are providing concrete evidence that rewrites your internal story.
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Step 4: Model
Surround yourself with people who defy the limits you have set for yourself. Learn their backstories — the setbacks, doubts, and persistence behind their growth.
The neuroscience: Mirror neurons help us learn by observing others. When you see someone similar achieving what you thought impossible, your brain begins forming new neural networks around expanded possibilities.
Beyond the Myths: Becoming More You
You don’t have to wait until you feel ready, qualified, or fearless. You can start where you are, with what you have, and figure it out as you go. Growth isn’t about eliminating uncertainty or discomfort — it’s about building the courage to move forward in their presence.
Your potential isn’t fixed. Success isn’t scarce. And permission isn’t required.
I'm curious: Which of these myths resonates most with your experience?
Written by:
Linda Tan-Spicer, Lead Development Strategist of ILS
Linda is a seasoned performance strategist with over 20 years of experience helping organisations and individuals thrive. Specialising in mindset work and behavioural change, she creates environments where people can discover their strengths, embrace their potential, and grow in meaningful ways.
Believing in the ripple effect of personal growth, Linda sees every step toward self-improvement as a benefit to teams, organisations, and society. At her core, she’s a coach and facilitator who walks alongside others on their journey to unlock potential, navigate challenges, and cultivate a fulfilling life.
